OH HAI
This here is Jewles.
Just hacking my husband’s tumblr to tell him I love him and he’s awesome and schmexy and adorable.
Back to bizness.
On why I should start posting on this Tumblr Again
Me: I haven’t posted anything on this Tumblr in months
Her: You should.
Me: Say funny stuff again.
Her: I SAY FUNNY STUFF EVERY FUCKING DAY OF MY LIFE!!!!
Man attempts to subsist on beer and water for ALL of lent
On Timberwood Grill in Charlottesville, VA
After noticing that the knives on the tables are giant steak knives whether you are eating dinner or brunch, said in the voice of an advertisement announcer (aka Samuel L Jackson style)
Wife: Do You Need to Eat Some Food and also Cut a Bitch? Come on down to Timberwood Grill: WHERE ALL OUR KNIVES ARE SHANKIN’ SIZE!!
Entire table explodes in uproarious laughter
On forgetting to buy jam
Wife: I forgot t buy jam when we went to the grocery store.
Me: Oh, crap. Oh well.
Wife: I’M ALL OUT OF RASBERRY JAM AND THAT’S HARD!
In honor my wife’s birthday
I will resume posting funny shit she has said :)
Nothing Funny Today
Today is not a funny day. Yesterday, our dear, dear friend lost her husband, suddenly and unexpectedly. You may know and love her as much as we did. Her name was Patience and she was a singular and wonderful individual. She is only 30 and Owen was only 37.
If you can spare and find it in your heart, please donate here. It will help her parents get to her in England from Idaho. The remainder will go towards the rest of her life.
Today is not a funny day. Not at all.
I do take submissions :) And questions
They can be about your wife/girlfriend/husband/boyfriend. Or specifically about MY wife, if you know who she is :) Or, you know, use this thing.
On putting on her t-shirt
After “special times”, I held out her t-shirt to put back on, head hole forward. She put her head down and ran at it, like a bull, and forced her head through the opening in a violent fashion.
Wife: Like a baby, violently emerging from the womb!! RAAARRR!!
Me: I… Did you… Shakes head
Wife: This is going on the internet, isn’t it?
On the neighborhood Ice Cream Truck
Wife: I hate our fucking ice cream truck!
Me: Cause it makes you want ice cream?
Wife: No. Because when I comes around I get that damn song stuck in my head all day. Fucking Turkey in the Straw. And then I picture marionettes dancing to it. And not the normal ones, the creepy ones with the big fucking smiles.
Me: ….
Wife: MARIONETTES!!!
